I don't know about you, but, I was truly looking forward to the time when all of my kids would be in school and I would be able to focus on the house and my business. I even had dreams of doing something for myself for the first time in many many years. Well, things are not going exactly as I had imagined it. It's not going ANYWHERE NEAR what I had thought it would.
The kids and I have all been sick first of all, so the kids are actually still home here and there. Between three kids...someone is home sick and therefore I'm not working on my business. But!...I'm so thankful that I have that freedom to be able to stay home and not have to call my boss and call out sick. That is something I had to do often before and I know how it looked. I always felt so guilty for calling off sick.
Then there is the Housework...that is an evil thorn in my side. I just can't keep up with my family. I could literally scream. I read blogs and Pinterest posts and watch YouTube Vlogs...I get all excited and motivated with the best of intentions and goals and I just can't get my house the way I want. I reflect to my grandmother and mom...they had the most SPOTLESS homes, but then again, they were famous for throwing everything away. There was no clutter, almost everything was tossed. At twelve, I had no more toys. It was boring, but our house sure was neat! My mom had me organize my closet by item, and color. Everything had a place. We couldn't even take showers because it would leave water marks on the tile....so we just took baths. We couldn't play ball in the yard because it would crush the flowers - my mom even cleaned the sidewalk every weekend! I'm not that sort of person, but I sure wish I could get my house to look that way.
Solitude. I'm alone all day. I have to admit, I like it. I have become a person who just LOVES to be at home. I have no desire to go anywhere. But, I know that is not good either. I feel like I need to push myself to get out and about. Not become a hermit. There are downfalls to solitude though. One thing for instance, I had been feeling a bit blue this past week. I had a scare that I might have melanoma. So, I was alone all week during the day...all day to worry and stress about "what if" it is cancer. I pouted all week like a sick little puppy. Having someone home to get my mind off of things would have been helpful. I finally got my results late yesterday and I'm back to my perky-ISH self. I'm not all that "perky". Who am I kidding, right?!
But, all of these blogs, vlogs and posts make me feel like I am the only stay at home mom whose home does not glisten and sparkle. I try and try and I get so down because I'm not meeting my own expectations. I'm to the point where I feel like I need to be more like my mom and grandma and start tossing. Toss it all!
When you find yourself in a rut like this, how do you pull yourself back up? How do you stay motivated? I would love to hear from you guys!
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