I am dealing with a new struggle. Some days, it's not too bad. Other days, I'm completely overwhelmed and I'm in a puddle of tears.
I have recently lost my mother to cancer.
A few years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I cried many times over this diagnosis, but she called daily and she shared her struggles and she seamed so much better. She finished her chemo and radiation. Her hair grew back. She was back to working long and hard at work and in her garden. She was extremely active.
Then recently, my elderly grandmother had fallen and broke her hip. Mom lived across the street from grandma. So, she took care of her and still continued to work. She never slowed down. I offered numerous times to come out and help and she said that she would be fine until summer. She knew that since I work in a school, I would have the entire summer off. I recall thinking to myself, how odd! Mom NEVER accepts help! Even when she was going through chemo, she would not let me help. She was stubborn that way. But, we agreed I would come out during the summer and help out with grandma and grandpa. Our plans did not work out the way we had hoped though.
I received a call at work that my mom was very sick. I was getting some conflicting information so I was not sure how serious it was. I packed up the car and drove 9 hours to be by my mom's side. By the time I got there, she was no longer able to speak. I never got to say a proper goodbye. I sat with her until she passed away the next morning. I watched her take her last breathe and I feel like I have lost my world.
We did not have the best relationship. We had many struggles. But, we had love for each other. I do regret many things. I wish I would have told her I loved her more. I wish I would have hugged her more. I wish that my last few phone calls to her where of venting about my struggles and worries. I don't think I asked about hers at all.
I didn't know she was sick again. Not really. She played it off that she had worked to hard in the yard. She said she thought she had caught a cold from dad. No one told me she had lost 35 pounds until a week before she passed away.
Some days I cry often and I cry hard. Today is a day that I feel numb. I feel sad and I feel empty. I feel bad for my family too because they are stuck in a house with me and my sad self.
I miss my mother very much. I wish I could be more like her. She was an amazing woman!
I have recently lost my mother to cancer.
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| A small bit of mom's garden |
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| The deer like to nibble on mom's flowers |
I received a call at work that my mom was very sick. I was getting some conflicting information so I was not sure how serious it was. I packed up the car and drove 9 hours to be by my mom's side. By the time I got there, she was no longer able to speak. I never got to say a proper goodbye. I sat with her until she passed away the next morning. I watched her take her last breathe and I feel like I have lost my world.
We did not have the best relationship. We had many struggles. But, we had love for each other. I do regret many things. I wish I would have told her I loved her more. I wish I would have hugged her more. I wish that my last few phone calls to her where of venting about my struggles and worries. I don't think I asked about hers at all.
I didn't know she was sick again. Not really. She played it off that she had worked to hard in the yard. She said she thought she had caught a cold from dad. No one told me she had lost 35 pounds until a week before she passed away.
Some days I cry often and I cry hard. Today is a day that I feel numb. I feel sad and I feel empty. I feel bad for my family too because they are stuck in a house with me and my sad self.
I miss my mother very much. I wish I could be more like her. She was an amazing woman!
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